Falling in love

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Wikipedia

Albert Schröder - Musikalische Unterhaltung (circa 1885)
God Speed by English artist Edmund Leighton, 1900: depicting an armored knight departing for war and leaving behind his lover

Falling in love refers to the process of developing strong feelings of attachment and affection, typically toward another person. The expression is metaphorical, comparing the experience to the physical act of falling—sudden, involuntary, and placing the individual in a vulnerable state. Linguistically, it parallels other English idioms such as “fall ill” or “fall into a trap.”[1]

The phrase has also been examined in psychological and neuroscientific contexts. Researchers note that the process engages subcortical regions of the brain associated with reward, emotion, and motivation, which can override more rational or deliberative thought.[2] This loss of control has been popularly described as unusual or irrational; for example, John Cleese has remarked that “this falling in love routine is very bizarre... It borders on the occult.”[3]

Factors

Mental

Psychological research has identified several factors that contribute to the likelihood of falling in love, including proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and physical attractiveness.[4] Attachment theory suggests that the process often involves a reactivation of childhood patterns of bonding, influencing how individuals respond to intimacy in adulthood.[5] Some studies have further argued that deep psychological parallels between partners may reinforce their sense of connection,[6] though critics note that such bonds can sometimes resemble narcissistic identification, in which a person is drawn to qualities in another that mirror aspects of themselves.[7]

In analytical psychology, Carl Jung and subsequent Jungian theorists interpret falling in love as a projection of the inner anima (in men) or animus (in women) onto another person. This framework emphasizes the intensity such projections can create, while also warning of the misunderstandings and disillusionments that may follow when the projected image fails to align with the other person’s actual personality.[8]

Chemical

Jean-Honoré Fragonard—The Stolen Kiss (circa late 1780s)

Research has identified several neurochemical and hormonal processes associated with falling in love. Increases in oxytocin and vasopressin have been linked to pair-bonding and attachment.[9] Psychologist Elisabeth Young-Bruehl suggested that “when we fall in love we are falling into a stream of naturally occurring amphetamines running through the emotional centers of our very own brains,” highlighting the role of heightened neurotransmitter activity in the experience of love.[7]

From a sociobiological perspective, mate selection is described as requiring not only cognitive evaluation but also complex neurochemical support.[10][11] Critics of reductionist or Neo-Darwinian explanations argue, however, that focusing exclusively on biological mechanisms risks obscuring the ways in which sexual passion may lead to unfulfilled or destabilized attachments, as well as the broader emotional difficulties inherent in love relationships.[12]

Neuroimaging studies further demonstrate that romantic love and sexual desire, while distinct, share overlapping brain systems. Both engage cortical regions—including the middle gyrus, superior temporal gyrus, temporo-parietal junction, and occipital-temporal cortices—as well as subcortical structures such as the striatum, thalamus, hippocampus, anterior cingulate cortex, and ventral tegmental area.[13][14] These areas are associated with self-representation, goal-directed behavior, and reward processing. Differences have also been observed: for example, activation of the anterior insula has been linked to integrative representations contributing to love, while the posterior insula is associated with immediate sensations and responses tied to desire. The ventral striatum is implicated in rewarding experiences more broadly, including both sexual activity and basic pleasures such as food.[14]

Gender differences

Empirical studies have identified differences in how men and women approach romantic attraction and relationships. Research consistently shows a positive correlation between physical attractiveness and romantic popularity, with this association often found to be stronger for women than for men.[15]

Cross-cultural studies in evolutionary psychology suggest that, on average, men may prioritize traits such as youthfulness and physical appearance—including slenderness—while women may place greater emphasis on indicators of status, resources, and long-term stability, though both sexes also value physical attractiveness. These findings are interpreted within the framework of mate-selection strategies, but scholars caution that preferences vary significantly across individuals and cultures.[15]

In terms of emotional expression, research indicates that men are more likely to convey affection through actions, whereas women are more inclined to articulate their feelings verbally. Such patterns have been linked to broader socialization processes and gender norms rather than biological determinism.[16]

Timing

The French writer Stendhal described the development of romantic attachment in terms of crystallization. He identified an initial period, lasting about six weeks, characterized by obsessive preoccupation and the idealization of the other person through desire.[17][18] This stage, he argued, is followed by a phase of doubt and ultimately a “second crystallization,” in which feelings of love become more firmly established.[19]

Empirical research has examined gender differences in the temporal dynamics of love. Some studies suggest that men, on average, report falling in love more quickly than women, whereas women tend to disengage from romantic attachments sooner.[20]

Biological studies have also linked the timing of romantic attachment to hormonal changes. Research indicates that men who have recently fallen in love exhibit significantly higher levels of testosterone compared with those in longer-term relationships, suggesting that endocrine fluctuations may play a role in the early stages of romantic love.[21]

See also

References

  1. ↑ Pines, Ayala Malach (2000-10-27). Falling in Love. doi:10.4324/9780203902608. ISBN 9780203902608.
  2. ↑ Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape Trilogy p. 387
  3. ↑ R. Skinner/J. Cleese, Families and how to survive them (1994) p. 13
  4. ↑ R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 223
  5. ↑ Robert M. Gordon, An Expert Looks at Love, Intimacy and Personal Growth (2008) p. xiv-v
  6. ↑ Robin Skynner/John Cleese, Families and how to survive them (London 1994) p. 14
  7. 1 2 Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 20
  8. ↑ Carl Jung, Man and his Symbols (1964) p. 191
  9. ↑ S. Kuchinskas, The Chemistry of Connection (2009) p. 88-9
  10. ↑ Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (London 1996) p. 4
  11. ↑ R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 186
  12. ↑ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 5
  13. ↑ Cacioppo, Stephanie; Bianchi-Demicheli, Francesco; Frum, Chris; Pfaus, James G.; Lewis, James W. (April 2012). "The Common Neural Bases Between Sexual Desire and Love: A Multilevel Kernel Density fMRI Analysis". The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 9 (4): 1048–1054. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02651.x. ISSN 1743-6095. PMID 22353205. S2CID 205897532.
  14. 1 2 Bolmont, Mylene; Cacioppo, John T.; Cacioppo, Stephanie (September 2014). "Love Is in the Gaze: An Eye-Tracking Study of Love and Sexual Desire". Psychological Science. 25 (9): 1748–1756. doi:10.1177/0956797614539706. ISSN 0956-7976. PMC 4273641. PMID 25031302.
  15. 1 2 Ambwani, Suman; Strauss, Jaine (2007-02-01). "Love Thyself Before Loving Others? A Qualitative and Quantitative Analysis of Gender Differences in Body Image and Romantic Love". Sex Roles. 56 (1–2): 13–21. doi:10.1007/s11199-006-9143-7. ISSN 0360-0025. S2CID 144399618.
  16. ↑ Deng, Yaling; Chang, Lei; Yang, Meng; Huo, Meng; Zhou, Renlai (2016-06-30). "Gender Differences in Emotional Response: Inconsistency between Experience and Expressivity". PLOS ONE. 11 (6): e0158666. Bibcode:2016PLoSO..1158666D. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0158666. ISSN 1932-6203. PMC 4928818. PMID 27362361.
  17. ↑ Eric Berne, Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy (1961) p. 245
  18. ↑ R. J. Sternberg/K. Weiss, A New Psychology of Love (2013) p. 125-8
  19. ↑ I. A. Mabergoj, Reality and Truth in Literature (2013) p. 174
  20. ↑ E. R. Smith/D. M. Mackie, Social Psychology (2007) p. 420
  21. ↑ Marazziti, Donatella; Canale, Domenico (2004-08-01). "Hormonal changes when falling in love". Psychoneuroendocrinology. 29 (7): 931–936. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2003.08.006. ISSN 0306-4530. PMID 15177709. S2CID 24651931.

Further reading

  • Robert J Sternberg and Karen Sternberg, editors. The New Psychology of Love. Yale University Press, 2008.
  • Denis de Rougemont, Love in the Western World. Pantheon Books, 1956.
  • Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving (1956)
  • Francesco Alberoni, Falling in Love (New York, Random House, 1983)
  • Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse (1990)
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